Both men and women want longer lasting sex, but guys lack the sexual stamina to make it happen.
I had this same problem. I tried EVERYTHING to improve it. Eventually, I figured out what worked, but figuring it out was a huge pain in the ass. The advice floating around the Internet is terrible, and I suspect that most of it is written by people who haven’t dealt with the problem.
Which brings us here. Me drinking enough wine to talk about sex on the Internet. We’re going to cover a lot, so be ready to take notes.
Opting for medications and specialized products
There are thicker condoms available which are primarily designed to make one last longer in bed. In fact, there are some variants which even have a numbing agent which temporarily reduce sensitivity down there enabling one to have more time between the sheets.
There are special lubricants available which also function as desensitizing agents and may aid you to last longer. Care must be observed when using a topical numbing agent as you might end up desensitizing your partner to stimulation. So it is recommended to wear a condom.
As a last resort, you could opt for prescription medicine to enhance your sexual performance. It would also address the issue of erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation.
At the end of the day, sexual intimacy is very important to have that fulfilling experience with your partner. It is always recommended to talk about any issues and try to make it a worthwhile experience for the both of you.
Reduce Your Sexual Anxiety
If you go into sex thinking that you won’t last very long, you won’t. Sliding in with any sort of anxiety about your sexual abilities will make you cum much faster than you want to.
And if you consider it biologically, it makes sense. The insecurity makes you anxious. Your body can tell that you’re anxious. The anxiety suggests that this isn’t a very safe environment for you to be naked with your eyes closed and unprepared to defend against one of these.
So what does your body do when you’re anxious during sex? It reduces the amount of time you’re in a vulnerable state by subjecting you to either premature ejaculation, or erectile dysfunction.
The only cure is to approach sex with a confident, positive outlook on how you’re going to perform.
The best way to do that? Talk to your partner about it.
If you bring up your concerns about how long you’re lasting and that you want to work on it with them, they’re not going to think less of you. Rather, they’ll think higher of you for wanting to improve your sex life together, and want to work on it with you.
It’s nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, and you’ll find that just being open about it will solve half the problem on its own.
No partner? No worries. You can easily do the exercises without one.
Strategic Foreplay Ordering
Foreplay frequently goes in this order, because women typically expect men to initiate the next stage of sex:
Kissing / touching -> Cunnilingus -> Fellatio -> Sex
There’s an obvious problem though: you’re going straight from intense oral stimulation to sex.
That’s no Bueno. You want to be going into sex at a 4 or 5, not at an 8.
Here’s what you do. You’re already talking to your partner about lasting longer (unless you skipped down here, shame on you), so tell her that it’d be better if you got her off once manually (to get her warmed up more), then she went down on you, then you went down on her after.
Kissing / touching -> Get her off once manually -> Fellatio -> Cunnilingus -> Sex
When you’re receiving oral, after you get to 9.5 a couple times (same edging technique as before, just this time you yell “stop” at the peaks), switch it up so you can cool down while you go down on her and get her off a few times.
Also, tell her to push against your PC muscle (using two or three fingers or a fist works well) while she’s going down on you. It makes you last longer and feels great, but it’s hard to do during actual sex.
Then, when you’ve peaked enough times, getting a cooldown period with minimal stimulation while going down on her will increase how long you last significantly.
Alternatively, depending on how long your refractory periods are, you could get off when she’s going down on you then recover for round two (which lasts longer) while going down on her. Up to you.
Bringing changes to your sex life
First of all, you need to take your partner into confidence and decide how best to tackle this issue. One of the ways is to only focus on your partner’s stimulation. If your partner is well stimulated and near climax, you both will climax roughly at the same time.
It is also recommended to take things in a calm, collected manner. Sex is not about satisfying your own needs. That would be incredibly selfish on your part. It is your job to make sure your partner is also satisfied. So maybe spend more time on the foreplay.
Trying different sexual positions and techniques is a good idea to elongate your intimacy session. It will be something exciting for the both of you and may, in fact, help you to delay climax. You will also be more aware of those positions which make you come quickly so you could avoid them until later.
Another technique is to take breaks in between your intimacy sessions. When one of you is near climax you could halt the sexual activity for 30 seconds and then resume. This will enable you to last long enough to climax with your partner.
Another technique is to distract yourself with some thoughts outside of the bedroom. It could be work related or some television show you follow. Anything to take your mind away from the immediate surroundings is good enough.
Healthier lifestyle impacts your intimacy positively
It is quite understandable that a leaner person not only looks better but also to a large extent builds a lot of self-respect and confidence. If you are always having self-doubt and second-guessing your sexual performance it is time to positively reinforce yourself.
Try to indulge in self-talk where you address yourself taking your name and reminding yourself that you are capable of doing much better. Just make yourself comfortable with the fact that it is common for people to finish fast and that with time it will improve. This is very important because it will enable you to banish your self-doubt because half the battle is won if you overcome your nerves.
Another reason for finishing quickly may be attributed to masturbation to a quick climax. Guys are more susceptible to this habit as compared to girls. However, you could start practicing delaying the climax while indulging in masturbation.
This will subconsciously train your body to take some time before coming and elongate your intimacy sessions. Another tip is to masturbate a couple of hours before sex as it will make it difficult to climax again so soon.
There are also a number of exercises over the YouTube and online which you could do from the comfort of your home without requiring fancy gym equipment. Mostly focusing on the pelvic floor muscles as they are primarily responsible for ejaculation, so particularly men may seek to improve their sexual performance through them. Another common tip is to keep your breathing nice and slow during sex instead of heavy breaths.
Cardio exercises like running or jogging may help. This will take some time and improve with practice but slow and deep breaths have shown to delay the climax.
One of the major lifestyle changes you need to make is cutting down on tobacco and alcohol. These have proven to lower your sex drive, cause erectile dysfunction and several other performance related problems.
Ask an Expert
If you feel like you’ve tried everything to have better sex without success, it may be time to discuss your problem with a sexual dysfunction specialist, Dr. Walsh says.
“A lot of the treatments we’ve already discussed—edging and biofeedback—are pretty challenging techniques that a specialist can help you use effectively.”
He recommends asking your doctor for a referral to a urologist, who can either treat you himself or refer you to the right person for your problem.
“He or she will help you approach this practically and pragmatically,” Dr. Walsh says, adding, “It’s not about getting in touch with your inner self. It’s about learning the physical or mental mechanisms that can help you avoid premature ejaculation.”